Blogging
When Depression Makes You Feel Like a Zombie
-The Mighty
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Found at:
https://themighty.com/2019/07/depression-feel-like-zombie/
Some days I’m fine. Not “fine,” but, like, actually fine. And in the afternoons, I’ll get a second wind. And I’ll have the energy to see my friend after work. I’ll go for a nice long walk, while listening to energizing music. And when I get home, I play with my kitten for as long as he wants. Maybe I’ll even get some writing done. I think I like writing. These are categorized as “good” days. They’re the best I can hope for.
Some days I’m the zombie.
The zombie doesn’t care about these things. The zombie doesn’t care about anything. She shuffles through, because it’s just what’s done. It’s like sleepwalking. There’s no reason day-to-day for me to be fine or to be the zombie. The zombie is drained and it, in turn, drains.
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“We’re running late!” It doesn’t matter. “People are waiting!” It doesn’t matter. “This has an impact on the future!” It. Doesn’t. Matter.
Sorry, I can’t come out after work, I can’t let you see the zombie. Sorry, no walks today, I better keep the zombie indoors. Not right now kitten, the zombie is tired. I can’t remember the last time I wrote something. The zombie doesn’t write. The zombie exists. But only in the bare minimum of that definition.
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Sometimes I’ll recognize another zombie and maybe feel the tiniest tug at my heart. I want to explain, “I’m like you.” But we don’t interact. The most that ever happens is their eyes will flick over to mine, and they’ll know too. I guess that’s a connection of sorts. In a way. Maybe that’s enough.
Sometimes I’ll try to jump start the zombie. Drag her around and make her do things she doesn’t want to do. It’s never quite successful. I feel clumsy, uncoordinated. The zombie wants to go back to bed. Maybe zone out to some YouTube videos. At most.
Colors literally seem duller when the zombie’s at the helm. Like the world’s in grayscale. It doesn’t help that the light seems harsh, and I keep the drapes drawn.
There’s a vague understanding of the word “cozy.” The zombie knows cozy. Cozy is good. Hoodie, jeans, sneakers. These are essential if it’s necessary to go outside. Lots of coffee. Too much coffee. I have an addiction and the zombie doesn’t want the added headache that comes without the three cup minimum.
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I’m hoping the zombie will learn more positive words. But it seems unlikely. What’s good when nothing matters?
But on some days I just want to give up. Leave everything behind. On those days, the zombie keeps me going, cycling through the motions.
“I can’t do this anymore!” It doesn’t matter. “Don’t make me leave the house today!” It doesn’t matter. “I’m giving up! Why aren’t you?!” It. Doesn’t. Matter.
Still, I don’t like being a zombie. Why couldn’t I be a cooler supernatural creature, like a vampire or a banshee? Zombies kinda suck. This one’s certainly draining the life out of me.
Some days I’m not the zombie anymore. It may take awhile, but I wake up. And it’s different. And I breathe. It will be back, but in the meantime, I can try and get some writing done.
What Does Klaatu Barada Nikto Actually Mean?
-Ramble On: Nerdy Ponderings
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Found at:
https://rambleonnerdyponderings.wordpress.com/2017/04/21/what-does-klaatu-barada-nikto-actually-mean/
In case it wasn't immensely clear from my blog banner, I really really really love 1951's The Day the Earth Stood Still. Like, really a lot. It's quintessential classic science fiction, what with its aliens and laser-eyed robots. Meanwhile, the plot, dealing with the Cold War and nuclear weapons, falls squarely into a bit of history that tends to repeat (see: current day).
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And, very briefly, I feel I should at least address that, yes, there's a remake. I don't hate the remake, and it definitely wasn't as bad as I was expecting (shame on me), but it didn't stick with me like the original version did. Often times I forget the remake exists altogether. It's just sort of there, and that's fine.
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I'd also like to make it very clear that the phrase "Klaatu barada nikto" did, in fact, originate from 1951's The Day the Earth Stood Still and NOT 1992's Army of Darkness. That's just a fact. And for this post, I will be looking at the original context. No offense to Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, or any of their fans. It was an homage when it was used in Army of Darkness. That's the whole point. It did make me like Army of Darkness more, but please remember your good friend Klaatu when you next hear the phrase. Moving on!
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The phrase turns out to be a set of instructions. For most of the movie, Klaatu inexplicably speaks perfect English. This is never really explained, but I also don't really spend a lot of time wondering about it (until now. Dammit!), but he is from a different planet, which presumably has its own language. Gort, the giant robot, does not speak English. He doesn't speak at all, actually, but he doesn't seem to understand English. The only way anyone can communicate with him is in this alien language (and maybe some wavy hand gestures and flashlight speak on Klaatu's part).
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The problem with bringing Gort along to Earth is he's very shoot-y and very protective of Klaatu, and if he sees anything that seems to pose a threat, like, say, an army's worth of tanks pointed at him only 10 seconds after landing on a foreign landscape, he will laser-kill you. Klaatu was clearly not expecting humans to act the way humans act and flip out and assume that alien presence = alien threat. I wonder if Klaatu would still have brought Gort if he knew. Probably.
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For most of the film, Klaatu, who looks human, walks around the city, meets people, and decides for the most part they're pretty okay. He definitely doesn't want to blow Earth up, but he's super confused about this whole war thing and why humans bother about it.
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To be clear, he walks around the city after being treated/captured by an army hospital that he was taken to because he got shot after being on Earth for, I think, less than 60 seconds. Like, he's barely out of his ship. And then he has to escape from the hospital, because they want to do a bunch of weird tests on him. But he does have some human allies. There's a little boy, Bobby, who sort of becomes Klaatu's tour guide and then takes him home like a little lost puppy, and the boy's mother, Helen, who helps Klaatu when it gets more dangerous and there are shoot-y people around. And there's a scientist dude, but he doesn't really have anything to do with this particular post.
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Anyway, Helen is trying to get Klaatu back to the ship, shoot-y people in pursuit, and Klaatu says something like, "well, this looks super bad, and I'm probably not gonna make it back to the ship, so I need to to do me a solid. Find Gort, and tell him 'Klaatu barada nikto', mmkay?" And sure enough (and spoilers, but the movie is over 60 years old), Klaatu gets shot. And dies. So Helen has to go find Gort and deliver the message.
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Now the full line she says is "Gort, Klaatu barada nikto." And I think that "Gort" bit is actually significant. No one talks to Gort other than Klaatu for the whole movie. Until this moment, when a human speaks to him. But she addresses him, uses his name. It suggests that she knows him and understands something about him. And it manages to stop him from laser-killing her, which he very nearly does when he first sees her.
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So what does the rest of the phrase mean? Oh, boy. Here's the thing. It's communicating a LOT of information for just three words. And the first word is just a name. Klaatu means Klaatu. The character. The words "barada nikto" indicate all of the following:
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Klaatu is dead. DO NOT SHOOT THINGS, especially the woman talking to you. As a matter of fact, go ahead take her into the ship (Side note: Klaatu's ship is hella rad. And also appears to be bigger on the inside. Hmmm). She'll be safe there. If she resists or doesn't understand why you're staggering towards her in a totally menacing way, go ahead and just pick her up and carry her inside. Next, go get Klaatu. Here's the address (we don't know where exactly Klaatu's body was being kept (looks like some sort of prison cell), but Gort seems to know exactly where he's going). Bring Klaatu back to the ship. Raise him from the dead. Then go into sleep mode. Zombie-Klaatu will take it from there.
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My first thought is that we really need to streamline the English language. Or is it like text talk? Or maybe in Klaatu's language every letter represents an entire idea. It may be like in Arrival where we can't even comprehend the language, because it operates on a level of understanding that's just beyond us. Or maybe the letters in the words "Klaatu barada nikto" are all pictorial symbols. Or maybe the writer needed to make up some compelling fake words in a fake language and thought "these'll do."
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We'll never know for sure. And that's probably for the best. The words will live on. As words are wont to do. Cause it's a nifty little sci-fi phrase to keep in your pocket. And as much as I hope the Force will be with you and that you live long and prosper, the last thing I'd like to tell you before I open the pod bay doors (Hal) and say so long and thanks for all the fish is Klaatu barada nikto.
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KLAATU BARADA NIKTO.
I grew up after the original trilogy and before the prequels were released. But I had good parents that made sure I was exposed to episodes IV, V, and VI at a young age and, in turn, educated my younger brother several years later.
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Skipping ahead, I was nervously awaiting zipping out of work on December 17th, 2015 to go to one of the first Force Awakens screenings when one of my co-workers, recognizing a flash of terror crossing my face, tried to calm my nerves. "Just remember," she said, "there's no such thing as a perfect movie." And I recognize that this statement is 100% accurate. The rational part of my brain totally gets that.
But 9-year-old me who just saw Star Wars for the first time doesn't understand that. 9-year-old me who just saw Star Wars for the first time just saw a perfect movie. Star Wars was not the movie that made me realize I wanted to make movies exactly, but it's the one that made me want to make movies. Read that sentence a few times and hopefully you'll get the difference. I didn't realize it yet, but that's what I wanted. Because I didn't want to make a Star Wars movie after I saw it, I wanted to exist and play in that universe.
And one of the important decisions you have to make at that age is what character you are. I think the idea is that all the little girls are meant to want to be Leia, and the boys are meant to want to be Han. I wanted to be...well, I wanted to be R2 and I know I'm not alone in that, but droids aside...I wanted to be Luke. And yes, Luke tends to whine. He can be an annoying teenage brat. I've heard all the arguments and I even agree with some of them, but that was the character I wanted to be. I know I wasn't the only child that gravitated to Luke, but a lot of the time he gets dismissed. But here's why you should want to be Luke: the lightsaber and the force. You have the neatest weapon in any film and can move shit with your mind!
At the time, your choice of Jedi were Luke and Obi-Wan. Both supercool, both men. And the prequels didn't help much. If you were looking for it (which I was) you might catch a glimpse of a feminine alien wielding a lightsaber. So yes, there were a small number of female Jedi, but they were never featured. I didn't care. I'd be Luke. If I'd been born a boy that would have been my name. It's fine, guys, it's fine. At a certain point you start to make up your own characters anyway.
Then the Force Awakens happened.
9-year-old me was thrilled.
Rey is Force-girl and she lightsaber fights and she mind controls a Stormtrooper and she flies the Millennium Falcon and SHE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER.
Rey was the female Jedi that I had waited for my entire life. It was worth the wait.
Well, okay, no, it wasn't, and this should have happened a long time ago, but she's just about the best character she can be. Her parentage is a mystery, but she isn't. We know a lot about her immediately. She's complicated and flawed, sometimes standoffish or obstinate or even cowardly, but extremely capable and competent. If she's unconscious and being carried off by the villain, she's gonna get herself out of the mess, thank you very much. But that doesn't mean she isn't grateful when extra help comes along. Her realization that Finn risked, well, everything to try to rescue her was played brilliantly...after discovering Rey could do most of her own rescuing. And she can pilot, but she's not the smoothest. We've got Poe for that.
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Bonus points for dressing appropriately for her environment (looking quite a bit like Luke Skywalker).
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But the best part is when she has to battle Kylo Ren. Finn, who has Anakin/Luke's old lightsaber, starts to fight Kylo. This does not go well, and Finn gets knocked out. Then Kylo reaches for the fallen lightsaber and it starts to twitch, meaning he's trying to retrieve it with the Force, but it's happening slowly. Suddenly it comes flying out of the snow, boomerangs past Kylo's head, and is caught by the waiting Rey. It turns on as soon as it hits her hand and every audience I've seen this movie with goes nuts. We all saw it coming and we all wanted it so bad. And the fight wasn't the greatest and it's odd that Kylo doesn't do better, considering that he trained under Luke, and Rey only JUST realized she can use the Force a couple of hours ago, but when she slices him across the face, it's incredibly satisfying. Especially considering that last scene with Han Solo. *Shudder* I'm still in denial. But that Han Solo scene had to happen too.
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The Force Awakens is A New Hope. It's the same story. Which I'm actually kind of okay with. I'm in the minority, I know, but I like episode IV best, and I thought it was cool to see a re-imagining that wasn't a remake. Since they recycled the story, we start drawing lines between parallel characters. Luke, who will presumably be in the next film quite a bit, barely appears in the Force Awakens. We expect he will train Rey, so there's your Yoda. Rey, of course, is taking Luke's place. So what does that make Han? Obi-Wan. Stay with me.
Obi-Wan is the one who is found by, and immediately begins protecting, Luke. Obi-Wan then offers to take Luke to the Rebellion so he can fight the good fight. Luke refuses until his other option is eliminated and he goes with Obi-Wan. Luke then witnesses Obi-Wan's death at the hands (and lightsaber) of an evil dude who likes to wear a mask, after Obi-Wan laid down arms (remember, he turns his lightsaber off).
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That's exactly Han and Rey, and I knew, as soon as Han confronted Kylo, that it was all over. I'm still scrambling for a way he survived or can come back, but as we, the audience, sat there in stony silence (and a blood-curdling shriek, compliments of one young woman in the audience), we knew the narrative had reached the eventual inevitability of the Obi-Wan death. And Rey reacts similarly to Luke. There's a moment of "what just happened/did that just happen," she yells "NO!" (blowing their cover), and everybody starts shootin' everybody. It's a bummer. It's the reason nobody could walk out of the movie 100% elated. And it needed to happen if we wanted our female Jedi.
But because that happened, all the girls who are coming to Star Wars now, get to be Rey. I'm jealous. And Daisy Ridley, who I have yet to mention here by name, does an amazing job playing Rey, and I'm slightly jealous of her too. But she, along with the rest of the cast and crew, deserve all the accolades they're receiving.
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Thank you for Rey. Thank you for giving girls the Force. I mean, we already had it, but now everyone gets to see us use it.
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We're pretty cool like that.